My time to shine.

Between the hours of 6am and 9am I am the most awake, most efficient, most focused woman on the planet. Beyond 9am it can be slightly hit and miss although I do come back to form if I get a little 'arvo nap in. 

That said, I don't always harness my morning powers to achieve peace and wellbeing for all on the planet. Take this morning for example although this is a slightly extreme situation as I am on the verge of menstruating which adds a whole other level of emotion into the equation. So, this morning I woke up before 6am and realising that more sleep was not an option I got up. I made a pot of tea using a blend that goes by the name of 'women's balance.' Fingers crossed, I chugged down a whole pot while surfing the internet and contemplating a stroll. Decided I was ready to stroll, put shoes on, walked 100m up the road and decided I wanted to turn around and come home. I came home and ran the bath while feeling queasy with guilt over my excessive use of water all the while justifying the bath by telling myself that I would stay in for at least an hour making full use of the bathing opportunity. I set up the computer next to the bath, yep I watch movies in bed and I watch movies in the bath. Over the weekend I watched 'Slumdog Millionaire' and 'Milk' between the hours of 6am and 9am on saturday and sunday so this morning I was left with 'The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian.' Bath-time fun right there. By the time I had skin brushed, washed my hair and let conditioner stay in for 10 minutes, cleansed my face (twice), massaged period-inducing points in my feet and scrubbed skin I was up to the bit where a mouse with a sword and an earring is trying to stab Prince Caspian as he mistakenly thinks the Prince is a bad guy. Fortunately a talking skunk comes to the Prince's rescue. I think I should have watched 'Slumdog' again. 

On the mornings when I am truly focused and not wanting to drift off into Narnia-land I do go walking into the gorgeous bush lands around my house and listen to Black Cockatoos squawking and discussing what they shall feast on for breakfast. I do also light my candles and do a gentle morning practice in our yoga and meditation room. The morning time is always a mellow practice for me, I am slow to warm up and enjoy more of a yin style yoga in the a.m. 

The ritual that marks the move into breakfast time and planning the day is the brewing of a pot of earl grey and taking Dale tea in bed. Yesterday I took it in and he looked as surprised as ever that I'd thought to make tea even though I do it almost every single day. I said, "weren't you expecting me with our tea." He said that he never expects or assumes anything and he never takes anything I do for him for granted. Gold star buddy.

Lovely local class.

Yesterday morning I finally got to take class with a local teacher whom I have met many times and who came to a few of my classes while I was teaching this past summer. She apprenticed under an Iyengar teacher in Melbourne and also under a woman in Castlemaine who has taught in the Iyengar tradition for many years. I don't often feel drawn to take class as I would usually prefer to do my own practice but yesterday a gap opened up, the time was right and I headed off to class. 

Apparently there are normally two very chatty women in the class but yesterday they were absent and the other peeps were very quiet. From the first few minutes the class energy was deep and calm. This teacher's style is very nurturing, slow and clear. I love to practice poses from the perspective of other traditions as there can be such vast differences in the way the pose is taught and the focus of the pose. I really appreciate the thorough anatomical knowledge that Iyengar teachers offer. I find myself having a handful of 'ah ha' moments with poses that may have been a little elusive for me. Her progression and dissecting parts of poses was also really helpful. By the time we moved into shavasana yesterday morning I was feeling incredibly smooth and open. I was so into my own experience that I don't think I even saw the faces of the other class participants, I honestly felt like the only student in the class. I think that it's a real skill to hold a group class and yet meet each individual within that. 

This is the bit where I admit that it wasn't all rosie in my mind-scape. The flip side when I attend other people's classes is the experience of negotiating my critical voice. Normally this is connected to feeling like I am lacking in certain areas as a teacher because I do not have the same knowledge or skill level as another person. There ends up being little moments where I could easily leap into a pool of self-doubt and feed the fear that I am not ready to be a teacher. 

This 'critical-voice' pattern is also a really good chance for me to be clear about the direction that I am heading in terms of professional development and skill development. It's actually pretty cool to have the opportunity to clarify what I want to offer as a teacher and what I may need to explore to improve the chances of me offering that. It's also really exciting to live in such a small yet diverse community with peeps out there offering their insights and learnings through the pathways and traditions that have resonated with them. I am grateful to, and open to learn from, each person that comes into my life.

Flowing with Grace.

This past week has been full to the brim with activity in the world. The sort of busy week that would previously have sent me into a downward spin ending in feeling exhausted and fragile. Yesterday I drove almost an hour to give two Shiatsu's and then drove home again. On the way home I was blaring the stereo while attempting to make a phone call while doing 110km/hour. Impressive hey! Okay maybe not so impressive. Amidst the noise and the frantic energy to do jobs while driving fast was a flash moment, a voice that whispered 'it's okay, relax sweetie.' A soft and gentle voice soothing my fatigue and my attempts to keep going by amping up on adrenalin. I turned off the music, put the phone down and decelerated. I DECELERATED. In that moment my breath became deeper and my front body, which felt about two feet in front of my actual body, sank toward my back body, my seat sinking into the car seat. I started noticing the way the landscape has changed in these early days of autumn and how it feels less harsh than it did even a few weeks ago. I felt blessed to have a big, wide 'australian sky' view of the descending sun. I exhaled, I exhaled and then exhaled again. 

By the time I got home I felt calm yet energised and I felt completely available to connect with Dale and share stories from the day. He told me friends were coming for a make-shift dinner, which may have been cause for freak out, and yet I set to work cooking beans and mint from the garden while sharing moments to have a little dance. This feels like GRACE, this feels like the universe affirming my practice and affirming my willingness to step out of the way. This experience is a new and precious gift. 

Yesterday

I lived inside

My mind's disastrous uncertainty-sea.

Today

I am living inside

My heart's rapturous divinity-ocean.

This is what my Lord's

Unconditional Grace

Has done for me.

-Sri Chinmoy

Obama the Farmer.

Today's paper reported that Obama is planting a vegie patch in the white house grounds. Michelle Obama is breaking ground with a bunch of school kids this weekend. I'll have to send him my recipe for pasta sauce come tomato harvest time. He's gunna love it. I'm having sweet visions of an orchard out the front of the White House and runner beans using the main gates as a trellis. 

'More than 100,000 people asked the President to plant a garden on the White House lawn, according to Kitchen Gardens International, a coalition of gardeners whose mission is to inspire and teach people to grow their own food.

The groups "Eat the View" campaign to plant "high impact gardens in high profile places" specifically urged the first family to plant an edible garden within the first 100 days of the Obama Administration.' The Age, Sat March 21 2009.

I found the raw milk man at the market today. He has quite a following. Sold for 'cosmetic purposes' only. That's one expensive bath to climb into. I thought better of cold compressing my face with it and decided to whack it in a glass with ice and four table spoons of green and blacks drinking chocolate (reminiscent of the good 'ol after-school-snack milo days). Organic sugar is sooooo much better for me. I asked the kid selling the stuff if it was organic and he said, 'sort of.' I figure that means uncertified which, given the process for certification, is good enough for me.

After yesterdays 'I'm an early bird' post I had myself a wee sleep-in this morning. Tea in bed and a very late breakfast. Felt like the beginning of a proper saturday except my poor sweetie had to scoot off to work at 11am. I feel a tad dodgy that I am such a lady of leisure right now but also mighty grateful that I am supported to live this way. I am doing many things that could lead to working more, research etc.

Spent a little time on Yoga Dawg's blog today. He's mighty funny and refreshingly unholy about this whole yoga thang. He's worth a visit.

Good Morning.

I have always been an early to bed, early to rise kinda gal. The hour before sunrise feels like a secret universe rich in treasures not to mention being an incredibly peaceful time of the day. I got up this morning thinking I might yoga but was drawn to a walk instead. The sun was just starting to show up and the maggies were making their sweet little warbling sound. Since giving up running for the 800th time I am appreciating walking in the hills around my house as I still get my heart pumping, cardio fix without the hip jamming, leg pounding effect. As I came along the ridge above town I looked out to the east to watch the sunrise. According to a google search the clouds rolling in from the east were 'Patch work altocumulus.' Whatever they're called they were absolutely specie with the sunrise kissing their underbellies to create this amazing patchwork of pink and purple clouds. I'd been watching for a good ten minutes when an old guy rolled up the road in his car and bounded out exclaiming that he just had to come and see the sunrise. He looked for about twenty seconds and then jumped in his car and drove away. 

We are back on the 'let's buy a house' wagon. It comes and goes in waves and there appears to be another surge toward 'BUY' happening for us. We found a sweet mudbrick place on 5 acres online but have yet to see it. That said, I still haven't committed to buying a couch for our current place so a whole house seems like a big step for this here gypsy gal. I passed up a day trip to the beach today and have asked a friend to make me sign something that says I will stay put for the next month. Moving toward settled.

Yes to Suffering.

'The ego says, "I shouldn't have to suffer," and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.' Eckhart Tolle 'A New Earth.'

Conscious suffering, now there's an idea. I am here to CONSCIOUSLY express my gratitude for my struggles and pain. Deep in my heart I know it has propelled me along the path that I have chosen and I know that my life is richer as a result. Goddamn it's been mighty uncomfortable for me, and people close to me but more than ever I am ready to welcome and embrace all the experiences that present in my life. I wonder why I have always blindly expected comfort, where does that belief come from? I have always had a challenge with embracing the full spectrum of human emotion and experience especially when my belief has so often been that pain/depression/sadness = bad/failure me and happy/well adjusted/high energy = good/successful me. 

I am in awe of the space that opens up by simply allowing myself to feel without judgement and without the desire for the situation to be any different. This is tough work but I have noticed that by approaching pain in this way and letting up on the fight, the resisting, then a whole lot of space opens up for meeting with and embracing suffering, allowing the suffering to bubble to the surface and dissipate. Such a lovely thing to keep in mind when I am engaging with people that I'd rather not engage with, those communications where defensiveness and aggression are ready to rear up at any moment. I'll need to post after the inlaws visit next week.

What does it really mean to meet ourselves where we are in each moment? What does it really mean to meet another person fresh and alert in each moment? Is this Love, is this love, is this love that I'm feeling?

The Guesthouse - Rumi

This being human is  guesthouse

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house empty

of it's furniture, still treat each guest

honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them

at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has

been sent as a guide from beyond.

Today has been quite lovely. A walk with my gorgeous pregnant friend this morning which included a long chat about how giving birth is such an honor and an experience we are both excited to fully participate in, her before me at this stage. Her baby bump is ridiculously perfect. I made a pot of soup and had a first date with a new friend. We both got to indulge in talking about yoga, not everyone I know has the same all-consuming interest in the topic that I do. My sweet man and I picked a mega load of tommies from our garden and we have just jarred our first batch of shit-hot, delicious pasta sauce. It's mind blowing stuff, we should SO be an old Mamma and Papa living in Tuscany. It's hard to beat the feeling of making a meal from food that has traveled less than ten metres from garden to table. Practice was cool, restorative opening moving into mellow salutes moving into strong-ish standing twists moving into wall lunge, splits, handstand and then winding down into shavasana and a mellow sit. We went out to the local reservoir for a dip. It's getting cold out there but I am so delighted by being fully immersed in a body of water that I don't even notice the chill. We have got through twenty-five rounds of dishes (the downside to preserving) and I feel a DVD in bed coming on. SSSHHH, don't tell the hippies that we watch movies on our computer in bed.

Complete Vision.

My vision board is complete. At least three weeks after choosing the perfect piece of blue card on which to construct it I have put the finishing touches to my masterpiece for manifesting. I have stuck it on the fireplace mantel close to where I often practice. It looks divine. I was a little stuck on the section related to 'home' and the place I'd love to live in. Flicking through a pile of magazine pages that my sweetheart and I had ripped from fancy house mags I found the loveliest picture of a big earthy living room with exposed, recycled beams and an open fire place. "That's it" I exclaimed in my head and got to work with the scissors. The missing puzzle piece found. I already feel the power of defining exactly what I want coming to fruition. The fears around abundance are dissolving and being replaced with a deep knowing that we are blessed and nourished by the universe at every turn. I got a little teary looking at the pics I have pasted on of me and Erich. One of them was taken right after the TT at Exhale in Venice Beach in 2007. I look so blissed out enveloped in the arms of the gorgeous Erich yogi bear. 

Something so interesting has become apparent since last weeks little 'ah ha' moment. I am sure this must not be a new experience but it feels bigger than ever. In my yoga practice I am noticing incredible physical and energetic lightness and clarity. New space in my hips, a sense of deep power and strength in my core, fluidity and grace in my movements and more ease in sitting practice. Woohoo! I have written 'Be the place where LOVE flows through' on my vision board and have been really contemplating what this actually means, how can that translate into a somatic experience? The mat has been such rich soil to play with that idea and I am sensing that relaxing is key. If emotion is 'energy in motion' then it makes profound sense to relax, relax, relax and focus on releasing tension and breathing into the tight spots. If my energy can flow freely then I can receive love and give love more freely. It makes such sense to me that emotional suffering translates as pain, blockage and stagnation in my body, I have felt it and I am currently  feeling the opposite. Damn that is such helpful information to truly embody, empowering information. This is a pretty simple mind-body AH moment but I still get a tad tickled every time it happens.

I have a treatment booked tonight and then I am receiving a treatment from a friend. After three years on the island doing all sorts of bodywork and spa treatments and adapting to giving Shiatsu on a table to save set up time I am so buzzed to be treating on the floor again. It feels incredibly authentic and deep. The other day I was grumbling that it takes me so long to get things done, much longer than I plan or expect. My man suggested that I lower my expectations and then whatever I get done will be a fantastic achievement. It seemed like an amusing way to trick my mind and I'll do anything to pull one over my complicated little noggin.' So at this stage I am aiming for two bookings a week with some hope to increase that to five at some point. This is mega luxurious for a gal who was cranking out up to thirty treatments a week not that long ago. This is my practice in slow living.....and slow income!

The days are cooling significantly and on reflection it seems like summer lasted about two weeks. I am well adjusted to hot weather and could handle a little more than a two week long summer although the week that we moved our bed into the kitchen, the only room with A/C, was a little mental. It's fair to say that I am scared of the winter so over the next month or so I am committed to getting a little more ready for what's to come by stocking up on wool clothing and sealing my search for the perfect boots. The $US600 Red 'Fiorenti and Baker' boots I found in LA last year are not the perfect boots....right?