Yesterday was the first friday sessions and I had three peeps all of whom attended my january classes. The room is warm (this had been my biggest worry) and we all thoroughly enjoyed the intimacy of such a small group of gorgeous gals. I need to buy a few props like blocks and straps but until funds allow the space is great with loads of blankets and mats.
I always feel a tad shy and clunky stepping back into a teaching role but I feel so blessed to be able to share yoga with others that the shyness soon passes. My ongoing challenge is to explore ways of articulating and conveying the essence of the practice. I have skirted the edges of this out of fear that it may sound preachie or worse I end up in a tangled muddle of words making little sense. Mostly I try to get into the feeling of yoga before class so that the 'essence' I refer to may possibly be conveyed via a feeling. We spent the final few moments cultivating gratitude for something or someone in our lives that we deeply appreciate. After class one student told me that she had thanked the amazing mountain that she sees from her kitchen for giving her such a magical view. I was really touched by this and we shared our thoughts about how so often we are most grateful for very simple moments or things in our lives. I am exploring gratitude as a powerful way to shed light on fear and worry in my life. I love the simplicity of this prayer and feel so buzzed by the shift I feel when I include deep thanks in my daily practice.
Being into vinyasa flow I love to plan fun and creative sequences but I am also aware of balancing this with some hints around alignment and blossoming from our energetic core. There just seems like there can be so much to say and I do really like to keep class quite simple and spacious so students can have their own yoga experience not one with my voice constantly in the background. AHH, this is all great learning for me and I welcome it whole heartedly. It is such an ongoing practice for me to stay with my own truth and my own path and not compare myself to others or judge myself as less competent in some way. I notice that I can feel like because I teach yoga I am not even allowed to share that vulnerability but the truth is I hope that I exude realness when I teach and not some contrived holier-than-thou, one-day-you'll-get-it kind of vibe. I practice yoga because it helps me cultivate the trust, self-love and compassion that I need to face my vulnerabilities; fears, guilt, jealousy, anxiety, and hurt (among others!) that arise because I am having a human experience, because being human means the full spectrum of human emotion and it means encountering suffering. I also practice because it feels so good and when I am in my body and in my breath I feel so much more able to connect with joy and extend my heart to others and acknowledge the profound yet simple ways that my life is blessed (abundant food, running water, supportive family, a home, health, friends...this is endless).
This past week has been rich. I have been humbled by an old friend courageous enough to hold my hand and lead me into a challenging dialogue. Through our conversation we have been able to resolve an old pain around an experience we had together many years ago. I was touched by her willingness to stay present and to forgive, I hope I was able to offer her the same. It feels as though we have removed a veil that was keeping us from deepening our connection.
'Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I will meet you there.' Rumi.
